Sunday, November 15, 2009

A "Black Lesbian" Has Noted What I Have Noted

From The 'Diary Of A Black Lesbian' Blog: "I'm No Longer Interested In Dating Women Of My Race"

Go back and look at what I wrote about the movie "Precious" in regards to the force that has the Black community "enslaved" today. Do you see that list that I crafted being shown in this list? Even though this particular person is making this observation in the context of a "female seeking a female" the essence of what she is observing in other Black females is congruent with what I have observed in regards to the abusive relationship between the mother and daughter in the movie as well as many other relationships that we can document within our community.

If you did not know already I'm black. This is an issue I've been struggling with for quite a while. I have tried to tell myself that there is no way I can be turned off by other black lesbians, but I can't deny what I'm feeling. Black lesbians here in ATL, GA suck ass! I can't rap my mind around the many issues I've encountered with them. To give you some prospective of what I'm talking about take a look at this list of problems I've encountered with black lesbians:

* Self-esteem, self-pity, and self-loathing issues.
* Confusion about sexuality.
* Abandonment.
* Single parent homes.
* Hatred of men.
* Bitterness towards men.
* Disgust of men.
* Issues with colorism.
* Issues from childhood {sexual abuse, rape, and I know this is not their fault}.
* Issues with health {weight and even mental illness}.
* Poor education.
* No sense of morality.
* Inability to conceptualize the idea of family.
* No sense of ambition or goals.
* Promiscuity.
* Excessive partying.
* Gluttony {excessive eating and drinking}
* Excessive smoking.

Can you blame me for wanting something more? They say you attract who you are, but I consider that nonsense. I am none of these things. However, I have learned the hard way that everything that looks good isn't good for me. I've run across some of the prettiest black lesbians, but they typically have a boat load of issues--mainly with themselves. I'm not willing to deal with it anymore. At this point I don't believe I have anything in common with black lesbians in my area other than race.


As much of a "homophobe" that some might assume me to be because I believe in the defense and enforcement of traditional male/female marriage I am not unaware of the humanity that is present between two people who engaged in a same sex relationship. In fact I can think of two different lesbian female friends/associates giving me relationship advice for my girlfriend/wife over time. I say this to say that my observations are universal to the interrelationship between human beings.

From this list there might be some items that I agree with and, honestly, are surprised to hear a person that is in a relationship that many would find "non-traditional" talking about other people who have the "Inability to conceptualize the idea of family". (I am not saying this in a judgmental way). It simply speaks to the fact that all of us who are human operate from some compass - even if there are different markers recorded upon it that they reference.

The bottom line of this list as cross referenced with the list that I created is that both show the need for the crafting of a cultural framework by which these dysfunctions can be managed.

The question must be asked - "What are you willing to jettison in your quest to relieve yourself of certain ghosts?".
Some people seek healing but only if they are allowed to retain certain key contents that they are not willing to let go of.

For me - its not that I am against "collective goals" my ideological leanings simply point to a different boundary and scope to which I seek to plot out my "Friends and Family Calling Circle". The effective of management is diluted when one attempts to define a scope that is too broad and thus traction is not obtained to address these issues.

No comments: