Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas With Splintered Families

After the fact - I learned from the mother of a divorced father:  "The presence of Uncle Constructive Feedback made daddy feel more comfortable in coming into the house and sharing Christmas with us".

Flash back about 5 years ago.   A couple that took us around the town during our last visit.  The children where young and exited.

Fast forward and a divorce has transpired.

Bother man is the "odd man out" but he is dressed like Santa Clause, bringing his children gifts for the holiday.

The mama knows he is coming over.   She leaves the house doing "what ever" in order to avoid seeing her ex during this time of celebration which might bring up memories about their 15 year marriage.

The "Gift bringing Santa stands at the door - doling out gifts to his children".

Wait a minute - some thing is not right.

I work to get the "brother man" into the house.  Just like old times.

I execute a dramatic outburst - pretending as if he brought me presents.   I go over to the door and say "Thank you!!!  You were always my favorite.  Thank you for bringing me these presents."

I see that after the handshake he slowly makes his way into the house that was previously "off limits".

The children are ecstatic that "daddy" has brought them all of the gifts that they wanted.   "The mama's" disposition has changed dramatically along with the fact that he has not brought her anything.

MENTAL NOTE: DO NOT ever let your marriage get to this same condition where "hostility" has turned into nullification.

On the drive alone with ME and "The Friend Of My Wife"

My children were happy that you were present on Christmas because you made my their father feel comfortable.

"I did?"

I was just being myself.

I was actually watching how YOUR GIRL FRIEND (my wife) would treat him after you two went through a divorce.

I sa how "brother man's presence" had made his children happy.  I was just playing up the situation because I empathize with the presence of a "Brother man" who was left out in the cold - away from his children.

We bonded the last few times that I saw him.  MY relationship with him is separate and distinct from YOURS.

I did not hear tales of him beating you or abusing you so - I had no reason to hate upon him.

I am not sure when the conversation between "ma ma" and child" took place - thanking me for my intervention - but I was just doing what was natural for me.

My Interest
My goal - in all of this was the hopes that you would tell "your girl" (my wife) that I have never stood in the way of her development.

Even though you might have terminal issues with your man - I am open minded enough to see that your girl friend is a very different person than the woman that I met many years ago.  I have NEVER stood in her way as she attempted to develop herself.

My only challenge is in trying to merge her big picture goals with mine - so that some synergy can be obtained.

I have seen far too many Black females who are very successful - with the nice car and nice homes BUT with a splintered relationship.

I know that my wife's friends are telling her how fortunate she is to have me - just as so many of my friends who have been through divorces are telling ME how they have lost a good woman and they regret it.

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